Baby Jesus wants to fill the world with his love.
And hug us all to our graves.
It’s all sunshine, roses, and adorable infants…..until one of the Baby Jesus sculptures comes to life and chases you around the church for your wine-blood and bread-flesh.
Baby Jesus is smug.
And he knows it.
Let’s hope he’s not a mouth-breather when he grows up.
Say hello to Baby Jesus’ little friends.
Before they stab you and drag you off into the darkness.
It might not be scary Baby Jesus’ fault though—the inhabitants of Bethlehem seem to have some serious postpartum depression most of the time.
This is where Mary starts to realize her baby is no ordinary baby.
And that she should be very, very afraid.
Swaddling doesn’t keep the baby safe.
It keeps everyone else safe from the Baby Jesus.
This Baby Jesus just can’t be bothered.
Sorry everyone. Eternal salvation is a no-go today.
Whatever diabolical scheme they’re planning—this Baby Jesus and Virgin Mary are in it together.
What was this Baby Jesus doing that he built up a six-pack?
He wasn’t even a carpenter yet.
Baby Jesus is so strong, he doesn’t need any weapons to choke hold his semi-divine mother.
That’s why they apparently had to starve him for this portrait.
A weak Baby Jesus = a safe Baby Jesus.
Why do you think he’s always on someone’s lap?
He has to be restrained.
Baby Jesus isn’t ready to be let loose on society yet.
This Baby Jesus wasn’t ready for whole food yet.
Let alone saving mankind.
You should be. There are way more terrifying portraits of the Baby Jesus than there are adorable ones—and that must mean something.